domingo, junho 26

Day 60.

I looked everywhere for you. Hundreds and hundreds of faces, some known, some unknown, but never you. And you were the only person I wanted to see, that I expected to see. I know how it sounds: one person in thousands. Really unlikely, right? I have seen more unlikely things happen. Things I didn't ask, things I didn't want them to happen and yet, they did. So why didn't you do this? Why are you so unfair to me? Is it so hard to...? Or his presence was just temporary, brief... supposed to be forgotten? Well, I got news for you, I didn't forget. And I'm not planning to. I still remember everything, and when I say "everything", I mean everything. It hurts my soul to even... but I do it anyway. I don't know why, I just want to. I can't handle you not being here, I haven't got used to the idea that... So, instead of letting go, I keep remember, hoping... Believing.
Am I crazy?
I'm falling to pieces...

quinta-feira, junho 9

Day 43.

Today I didn’t stop, I just kept going. I found myself repeating the road I used to do so many times before. Unfortunately, I don’t do it anymore.
My steps were like baby steps, very slowly, so the moment wouldn’t have to pass. But it passed anyway.
I walked in on that place that was still so familiar to me. Nothing has changed. The scent was the same, exactly as I thought it would be. That’s a good thing. It means this is fresh, recent (even though it has been like years for me) and I can still imagine it myself.
And it happened...
I stopped for a minute, just to mentally take the picture of that place and take it with me. And suddenly, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. I felt my body paralyzed, stuck.
I just wanted to stay there for a while. So I stayed. I stayed there, looking for you, as if it were possible. And when I realized you were not there and you wouldn’t going to be anymore, the tears came. I miss you so much it hurts.
I ended up leaving. There’s nothing there. Not anymore. Except, a part of me stayed on that place, with you. And that’s OK, it really is, because that’s my only proof that this was real, that you were too.
I know I can't live on the past. But that's all I have now. Memories...