Day 200.

Jacob: Tell me something... You like me, right?
[Bella Nods] 

Jacob: And you think I'm sorta beautiful?

Bella: Jake, please don't do this.
Jacob: Why?

Bella: Because you're about to ruin everything. And I need you.

Jacob: Well, I've got loads of time. I'm not going to give up.

Bella: I don't want you to. But that's just because I don't want you to go anywhere. It's really selfish. You know, I'm not like a car that you can fix up. I'm never going to run right.

Jacob: It's because of him, isn't it? Look, I know what he did to you. But Bella, I would never, ever do that. I won't ever hurt you. I promise. I won't let you down. You can count on me.

Day 149.

Why can't I move on?

I can't breathe again.

Start over.

«Sometimes you have to be apart from the people you love but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Sometimes, it even makes you love them more.»

We'll make it work.

Day 118.

Today I was on the bus and I was almost pressing the STOP button, when I realized that wasn't my exit. Not at all. I was so conviced that I had to leave that I actually thought to myself: What are you doing? You should already be standing up!

I looked around and it was that place. The place where I... where we... This is crazy, right? Because it doesn't make any sense... I'm not there anymore and neither are you, so why did this happen?

This hasn't been easy. It has been months and I... I miss you so much. I wished you knew how your absence has affected my life. But I guess you'll never know that.

You left a hole, when you left. 

Day 115.

I'm still in love with you.

Day 95.

Time passes. I find myself counting the days since you were gone. That's absolutly non-sense, I know, but yet, it gives me what I need to keep going. That is the memory of you.

Sometimes, not very often, I can see you, even if you are not actually there. I can picture you in certain places and it's like you were there again, back to my life. My body freezes and I get goose bumps all over me. My heart is racing, I can't control it. And when I'm about to smile, you vanish. Like the other times before.

I close my eyes and take deep breath, to stop the tears from falling. I think to myself: "It's OK, he wasn't here anyway. You got used to that. Keep going, you're doing just fine."

And that's what keeps me going, to live through another day. Believing that we can get pass this, is the first step to move on and face that it's never gonna be the same way.

Move on... Such a scary expression. Sometimes that's the only way, as much as it hurts me to admit. What comforts me is knowing that I don't necessary have to forget about you, to move on. You own a piece of me and you will always, always be special to me.

Day 78.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks,
No it don't break even.


Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks,
No it don't break even, even no.

What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces.

They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding,
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks,
No it don't break even, even no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
('Coz when a heart breaks, no it don't break even).

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.

I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a God that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks,
No it don't break, no it don't break,
No it don't break even, no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you?
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok?
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces, 
('Coz when a heart breaks, no it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even, no.
Oh, it don't break even, no.
Oh, It don't break even, no.

The Script - Breakeven.

Seventy five days later.

I saw you.

It was a matter of seconds, but it was enough. My heart was almost exploding. I wasn't expecting to see you. Never again, to be honest. 

It was like you were never gone. But you were.

And then again, I wish you weren't.

I'd do anything...

Day 60.

I looked everywhere for you. Hundreds and hundreds of faces, some known, some unknown, but never you. And you were the only person I wanted to see, that I expected to see. I know how it sounds: one person in thousands. Really unlikely, right? I have seen more unlikely things happen. Things I didn't ask, things I didn't want them to happen and yet, they did. So why didn't you do this? Why are you so unfair to me? Is it so hard to...? Or his presence was just temporary, brief... supposed to be forgotten? Well, I got news for you, I didn't forget. And I'm not planning to. I still remember everything, and when I say "everything", I mean everything. It hurts my soul to even... but I do it anyway. I don't know why, I just want to. I can't handle you not being here, I haven't got used to the idea that... So, instead of letting go, I keep remember, hoping... Believing.

Am I crazy?

I'm falling to pieces...

Day 43.

Today I didn’t stop, I just kept going. I found myself repeating the road I used to do so many times before. Unfortunately, I don’t do it anymore.

My steps were like baby steps, very slowly, so the moment wouldn’t have to pass. But it passed anyway.

I walked in on that place that was still so familiar to me. Nothing has changed. The scent was the same, exactly as I thought it would be. That’s a good thing. It means this is fresh, recent (even though it has been like years for me) and I can still imagine it myself.

And it happened...

I stopped for a minute, just to mentally take the picture of that place and take it with me. And suddenly, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. I felt my body paralyzed, stuck.

I just wanted to stay there for a while. So I stayed. I stayed there, looking for you, as if it were possible. And when I realized you were not there and you wouldn’t going to be anymore, the tears came. I miss you so much it hurts.

I ended up leaving. There’s nothing there. Not anymore. Except, a part of me stayed on that place, with you. And that’s OK, it really is, because that’s my only proof that this was real, that you were too.
I know I can't live on the past. But that's all I have now. Memories...

Day 32.

I would do anything...

I just wished you knew that... and the rest.

Day 29.

Time has passed. You have been gone for so long that your image is fading away. I don't go there anymore, which is actually harder than I thought because that's the place where I...

I remember all I felt, from the moment I leave my house until the moment I get there: I was so nervous, but not nervous in a bad way, I was exciting to see you again (for still having that chance). The butterflies in my stomach meant only one thing. That was one of the symptoms of being... I found myself smiling, just by thinking of you. You were the highlight of my day.
Were...*

Everything I got now are memories and even that seems so far away.

I can't stop wondering: What if I haven't met you? Would my life be the same? And what if things were different? Would it have worked? If I haven't met you, I wouldn't be hurting.

But then I think: I would rather be suffering right now, that not knowing you. I can handle pain, (even though it kills me inside) I learn to live along with it. What I can't handle is not knowing you, so I'm happy I did. You changed my life and made it better, brighter and I thank you for it.

 * I wish I could still say you're the highlight of my day because that would

mean you'd still be there. That doesn't mean I forgot about you, though.

I think of you, every single day.

Day 21.

Definições de emoção e sentimento

As emoções são reacções publicamente observáveis. São algo que acontece de repente, de forma brusca. Não requerem consciência e a sua duração é relativamente limitada. Os sentimentos são, em geral, experiências mentais privadas que, ao contrário das emoções, não podem ser observados por outras pessoas. As emoções estão na base dos sentimentos (também podem gerar emoções). Os sentimentos resultam do trabalho mental da elaboração das experiências emocionais. As emoções acontecem e passam, podendo regressar, desde que um estímulo as desencadeie, ao passo que os sentimentos ficam e acompanham-nos ao longo do tempo com maior ou menor intensidade.

Psicologia B, 12º ano.

Day 16.

Now I'm gone, too. I've been gone for almost a week. And it's so strange, because when it comes "the time", I feel like I should be there. Instead, I'm here. That was my place for three months, two hours a day. And I know that's the stupidest thing to say but... I wish I could go back. I miss it there.

I left the place that reminds me more of you, the place where I met you  for the first time. And I won't be able to see it anymore. And, as crazy as may sound, I love that place.

It wasn't bad enough watch you leave, now I can't go to the only place where I know I could (possibly) find you again.

Time has passed, but there's not a day I don't think of you...

Day 8.

Day 6.

"When you left and he left, you took everything with you. But the absence of him is everywhere I look. It's like a huge hole has been punched through my chest. But in a way I'm glad. The pain is my only reminder that he was real. That you all were."

Bella Swan, in New Moon.

P.s. I miss you so much it hurts.

Day 5.

The days seem huge now. Endless.

Time doesn't pass like it should, it's driving me crazy.

It has been 5 days since you left and it feels so much more than that.

It's ridiculous how much I miss you.

Weekend.

To get through the day, I try to fill my head up with thoughts. Every kind of thoughts. And when my mind is "empty", you come in. Then, I find something else to think about. I try to think about everything but this. I even repeat them, if it's needed. I must post pone the pain of your absence as much I can.

But there comes a time that there's nothing more to think about but this. And then I realise: all my thoughts lead to you. It's inevitable.

So I lay down in bed, praying to fall asleep quickly so that I don't have time to think about you. That's the only time I'm okay, I'm sleeping.

And when I wake up, it starts all over again (...)

The night feels so short.

Day 2.

You're gone. But, somehow, I still can picture you there. I come in and my eyes still look for you because deep down, I hope you'll be there. But you're not. And I can't handle that. It has been two days and I miss you as it has been months. Everything in that place reminds me of you, which makes it even harder.

A week from now, I just have one wish...

The end.

And that was the end of it.

Thanks for the memories, thanks for all the smiles but most of all, thanks for come in into my life and stayed there for a little while.

I forgot to say, I really liked getting to know you.

P.s. I miss you already.